hold fast. help is on the way...

so. its wednesday night, 6:28 pm, and a song comes on the radio, Love 89.1 (a christian radio station that i RARELY listen to). so this song starts playing, and im pretty much floored. it just happened to be the right song, at the right time. see, every wednesday night at 6:30 i teach the preschoolers at first united methodist church in jefferson city...so, of course, realizing i am already late, i continue sitting in the parking lot listening to this song. after composing myself back to sanity, i do my wednesday night thing... in this process i forgot the lyrics of the song, or the title, artist, etc. so i finally get home. scrambling through my messed up brain trying to think of the words to the song. so after coming up with like 4 words of the song, i googled, and googled, and googled, nothing. i looked on the website, nothing. i emailed the dj during that time, no response...i called the radio station, no answer. i was helplessly obsessed with finding this song. i had my radio on Love 89 for nearly 24 hours, hoping this song would come back on, and didnt.

so after a looong two days of searching for this song, my cousin gets the bright idea to try and google some lyrics i told her. 2 seconds after...she found it. absolutely made me sick! so anyways, after much searching, here are the lyrics to my new favorite song. it just so happens to fit my life in the most perfect way.

Hold Fast, by MercyMe:

To everyone who's hurting

To those who've had enough

To all the undeserving

That should cover all of us

Please do not let go

I promise there is hope

Hold fast

Help is on the way

Hold fast

He's come to save the day

What I've learned in my life

One thing greater than my strife

Is His grasp

So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?

Can we stop this ride?

Will we see the sun at last?

Or could this be our lot in life?

Please do not let go

I promise you there's hope

Hold fast

Help is on the way

Hold fast

He's come to save the day

What I've learned in my life

One thing greater than my strife

Is Your grasp

So hold fast

You may think you're all alone

And there's no way that anyone could know

What you're going through

But if you only hear one thing

Just understand that we are all the same

Searching for the truth

The truth of what we're soon to face

Unless someone comes to take our place

Is there anyone?

All we want is to be free

Free from our captivity, Lord

Here He comes

Hold fast

Help is on the way

Hold fast

He's come to save the day

What I've learned in my life

One thing stronger than my strife

Is Your grasp

So hold fast

Help is on the way

Hold fast

He's come to save the day

What I've learned in my life

One thing greater than my strife

Is Your grasp

So hold fast

easier to walk alone...

so i dont really know how to start this blog. im honestly, speechless. i feel like i have so many thoughts running through my head that there is no way to get across what im feeling. so for most of you, this will not make sense...but after all arent blogs for venting???...

as of today, i am done. i am done with my past, i am done with fake people, i am done. ive tried way too long and way too hard. i have never felt so betrayed by so many people. this may step on some peoples toes, but im sorry....youve stepped on mine long enough...apparently there is a barrier between chattanooga and jefferson city. its funny how phone calls, texts, facebook comments, emails, letters, and funny enough, friends seem to not be allowed past this certain point. i try to keep in contact with people from home, and in return, i get run over. people say, "well we just move on in life" or whatever other excuses you can come up with. im done with excuses. for once just admit your fault.

it seems so easy for people to go long periods of time without talking to me from home. i wish there was some way for me to repay this feeling to you, quite honestly. i am so numb to the pain of friendships its not even funny. im at the point now where i wish i could just pack up all my belongings and move to some foreign country, you wouldnt care! dont interpret this to be some depressing, saddened, or upset blog.....dont get me wrong. im so glad to have realized that if you dont feel you need me in your life, by all means, let me step right out of it.

ive learned lately walking alone seems to make the path easier. when someone else falls, you try your hardest to help them up. but the second you trip, or fall flat on your face, you get up to realize there is no one there. so it boils down to walking alone, and fending for yourself; or walking with a "friend" only to be left behind. so im done, this monkey is off my back.

its time for you to step up. even if this doesnt apply to you, you should consider the friends in your life, the FAMILY in your life, if indeed you have any...for petes sake pick up the phone. dont text, dont email, dont facebook, call. sometimes people like to feel important and needed.

walking alone.

questions for the careless...

Ok, so here goes blog number one.... first i would just like to go ahead and point out that my blogs will not contain correct grammar, spelling or punctuation. i hate waisting my time with capitalizing letters, etc... this is no english paper...just my thoughts...

so anyways...recently I've become very, i guess, troubled by peoples sincerity of questions. meaning, i think a lot of times people ask certain questions as, "how are you?", "how's school?"...or even "how's life." but i don't think people really want the honest answers to these questions. the typical answer or response to someone in passing or what not is "fine", "good", or "okay"....however you answer. recently when i went home one weekend i was asked these questions by people from church, etc. and when to their dismay, my answer was not "fine", "good" or "okay"... they immediately became dumbfounded...as does anyone.

i do this too. and it bugs the crap out of me now that i realize it. i mean, its like you're asking the question so that you can halfway appear to care about how the other person is honestly doing. if you don't care...don't ask. or if you do ask, and in the event someone answers honestly, be prepared...

just something on my mind lately that i felt the need to vent on. hopefully the future "blogs" will be more interesting...(side note: can i just say that using the term "blog/blogging" makes me feel like a complete and total nerd, lol...so i will refer to these "blogs" from here on out as "notes")...

temporarily frustrated.